It's been a long time since I've written anything. There has been so much going on that I haven't been able to process it all.
At first, I really thought that everything in the strip club was just pg-13. I mean, it certainly isn't a disney film but I never thought that anything worse was going on.
I was so wrong.
My first glance was when a stripper stole thousands off of a customer. It's a long story but for him, it wasn't really that much money. It was pocket cash. He wasn't that upset.
This gentleman is quite possibly the most interesting looking man I have ever seen. He is around 7 feet tall, large boned, large brown eyes and almost always wears a suit. (I'll leave his name out to respect privacy) He comes in quite regularly, and I assumed he was just very nerdy and very nice.
A few weeks ago, he offered me coke which I have never even seen before. I've never even been around people who do coke. I don't even know what people look like when they are on drugs. He offered all the strippers coke and other drugs as well. I declined his offer... just for the record.
What was alarming to me was not that he was doing coke or that the strippers were doing coke. I was alarmed by the openness of it and the acceptance of it, even by some of the management. In fact, it was beyond acceptance, it was almost welcomed by management and everyone else.
I am having a hard time forming my thoughts to make a coherent story about this. So, I'm just going to give up and write what I saw and think and everything in between.
One of the strippers (named Jasmine from the Disney movie) who did coke with this tall gentleman later told me that she had been homeless before this.
Another stripper named Georgia told me she was addicted to Oxycodone. All of her money from stripping went to support her habit.
Georgia said, "I should have known better. My ex-boyfriend was addicted to heroin and I saw what it did. I should have known better."
There was a pause in the conversation as I sat there silently dragging on my cigarette.
"I'm sorry if I just made this awkward," she said.
I honestly thought that I would judge drug addicts and prostitutes if I ever met them but what I feel instead is an overwhelming pity. And an overwhelming gratefulness that God gave me a better life and a future. My mother was far from being a perfect mother but she loved me, in her own way. And I am so grateful for that. I am so grateful. And so sorry for these women. My heart breaks for them. Some of these women are legitimately kind women who could have had a different life.
I realize that none of us have life figured out. None of us have the answer. But I don't believe that coke and drug addictions and homelessness are any kind of way to live and be happy.
In another day, I found out that some of the girls are turning tricks. I shouldn't be shocked but I was. I mean, I am often propositioned at the club. I always say no. I should have known that it really happens. But I didn't. I didn't think for a second that it really did happen.
And again, what's even more surprising is that no one cares. If you have the money, you can get away with anything. I see major CEO's coming in and buying a girl. They aren't careful with their name and are open about the fact that they are married and have mistresses and whores. No one cares. Because if you fuck with them, you die.
FOR REAL. I had no idea this actually happens in real life. I really just had no idea.
I honestly thought that this kind of thing only happens in movies or T.V. I'm not sure that I wanted to know.
For years, I have had this fantasy of someday getting married and only being intimate with that person for the rest of my life. And them only being with me and neither of us wanting to be with anyone else. I don't know that I can ever believe in that again. I don't understand why people get married only to cheat, sleep with hookers and go to strip clubs. Am I the only one who's heart is broken by this?
I don't understand.
~Ani
